When I went to see Spider-Man (back in what? 2003 or something?) I arrived at the theater already having to pee. But, you see, when I have to pee I don’t really worry about it because I can go for hours and hours on a full bladder. I’m not the kind of guy who has to run to the bathroom until I’m good at ready. In fact, I got one of those giant, bladder-buster Cokes (the kind that’s actually bigger than your stomach) and slurped all the way through the movie. Needless to say, by the time the credits were about roll, I slipped out as quickly as I could to beat the rush to the men’s room. That’s the thing about me: I don’t have to go very often - I can wait and wait and wait - but when I do… it’s *time*. So I decided to strategically slip out just as Toby was delivering his “Who am I? I’m Spider-Man” line.

I went to the men’s room and I was the first one in (as I said, I’d slipped out early). I went up to the urinal and, naturally, a firehose-like stream began and my entire body said “Ahhhhhh” in concert. Soon after, another bloke came and stood next to me (as there were only two urinals) and he peed as well. Pretty normal, really. The bloke stopped peeing and zipped up and left and another bloke came and took his place… and I was still peeing. THAT guy left and ANOTHER guy came and I was still going. A pee this long had never happened in my life before, and has never happened since.

Now I was starting to feel a little awkward, and I slowly glanced over my shoulder. Behind me there was a line-up of (no joke) about 15 guys… all of them looking very impatient and angry at me because I’d been hogging 50% of the urinals for well past my limit. And let me tell you… their faces were not pleased. They were there, behind me, in silence… scowling.

And like that’s not bad enough… I started to laugh uncontrollably. And so there I am, still peeing after the 4th guy has already taken a place next to me, and I’m laughing. By myself. In the otherwise silent restroom. So the angry mob behind me - themselves full of too much Coke - had to not only endure the wait, but also had to listen to me laugh about it.

There’s no real “punchline” to the story. I eventually finished my camel-like fluid release and washed my hands. Still laughing. Nobody spoke after I was done and, as I left the men’s room, you could hear a pin drop behind me.